Remember Ramadhan?

A cool breeze swept across the face. Bright lights illuminate the beautiful dome. Starry dots scattered across the dark sky. It was squashed by a loud voice that beckoned in the distance ringing around the dome. A voice urging us to pray. I sat there, in the middle of the UKM Mosque. Looking sideways and backwards. As if searching for someone. I waited and waited. He didn’t come. A dear friend of mine was supposed to be meeting me here tonight. And suddenly I remembered that he couldn’t be here. Not now. I smirked and laughed by myself. Half-cursing him. He’ll only be back tomorrow I remembered.

A thought gathered pace inside me. This was the same spot that I sat to meet up with friends at the mosque. It’s been 11 years I think. I don’t know why but we usually tend to meet up at this very same spot without even discussing about it beforehand. Memories were carved here.

I pondered, Ramadhans had always been dear to me. Trials and tribulations followed by success and happiness. And it always had a major impact on me as person and how I see life. But the early memories always stick the most.

Year after year pass by and we seldom notice nor care about how it had pass us by. We treat is as routine time and again. There are many things associated with Ramadan. Grown-ups treat it differently with that of a kid. As a kid, fasting was something that is considered an achievement that would make you be in the league of grown-ups. Did we know why were fasting then? No. Did we understand the significance of the month? The Tarawih prayers? No. But fasting was something you want to do as a child. It was thrilling to say the least. Childhood memories. We all had them. Yours might be the same as mine or may be totally different, but here are some to share.

The Elusive Answer

Spring is in the Air! Beamed the promotion posters. It falls on the Golden Week holidays. Golden Week in Japan usually consists of a week of holidays. Fast approaching my final year here, I prepared to make the journey again. The last journey perhaps. Questions often asked to me, why do I make those long journeys again and again to learn about my religion? It is worth it?

No matter where we come from, what languages we speak or what color our skin is, we are all unique in special ways. We all share the same desire and hunger to succeed and most importantly to love and to be loved. Many have argued that love is only a feeling and cannot bring wealth or success but deep inside, we all know that love is the greatest motivation that a person can have. But where or what is the true meaning of love?

Winter Life Lesson

Hokkaido and the northern part of Japan woke up to bitterly cold temperatures and heavy snow showers. As the “BIG FREEZE” continued to keep an icy grip on the northern part of this world, we generally struggle to cope with the changes in climate. As the winter tightens its grip, the smiles turn into frowns. Frozen lakes, burst pipes, blocked roads and head high snow makes life far more difficult than it already is. At first, it was welcomed with joy, but it quickly turns in problems. But if you think it’s been cold, count your blessings that we can still afford to keep ourselves warm at night.

Value of Love

Generations unfold, father to son, mother to daughter. Where one leaves off, the other follows, destined to repeat each other mistakes, each others triumphs. But, how do we see the world if not through their lens? The same fears, the same desires. Do we see them as an example to follow or as a warning of what to avoid? Choosing to live as they have simply because it is all what we know or driven to create our own identity?And what happens if we find them to be a disappointment? Can we replace them? Our beloved mothers and fathers. Will destiny drive us to find our way back? Back to familiar comforts of home?

I sat there, for how long it doesn’t seem to matter. There I was, staring at the blank pages before me. An old laptop where I usually find to be more than a companion. Wondering how to speak these unspoken words, how to express these unwritten thoughts?

More than Words

The sound of waves crashing, and thunders roaring in the distance startled me. As the cruise ship splits through the edges of the sea, it swayed violently to the rhythm of the waves. The restless sea, under the dark stormy clouds reflects the sad heart. A heart filled with uncertainties of the future and plagued with memories of the past. As I lay in the dark bunk listening to the songs on the iPod, the mind wandered somewhere else. Somewhere far away, swarming into the chartered past, reliving each memories shared. As the words in the songs played as a distant background, the images from the past were shown through vivid movies. Memories flashed before me. Years of memories zoomed within seconds.

Champions League 2008 in Japan!

In the silence of the night, it swirled and twirled. Gently emerging from the darkness of the sky, falling gracefully until it landed safely on the ground. Sometimes, its destinations rerouted with the flow of the wind. And finally it lay motionless on the dried leaves. An array of colored scenery dominated by the brown leaves and green hills quickly repainted into snow white. Everywhere it was coated by the same white color. If you’re lucky enough, you could see in the distance it sparkled reflecting from the light of the full moon. It was truly a moment for the cameras. Time seems to stand still as if preserving those precious moments for me.

View from my room

Then as quickly as it had mesmerized me, suddenly it turned into a feeling of anxiety. My mind wandered far into the endless dark night. My stare pierced through the coldness of the night, penetrating deep beneath the layers of snow that was newly formed.

Japanese Martial Arts

The eyes creaked open a little. It was dazzled by the sudden surge of bright gold. A drowsy arm reached for the watch beside the bed. A stream of pain emerges on top of the head all of a sudden. The drowsy arm quickly searches for the source of it. It rubbed the head to soothe and make the pain go away. I blinked and realized that the gaudy glare was from the light that I had not switched off the night before. I tried to remember what was causing this pain…

Then it filled my memory. It was all coming back.

I was really excited that morning. I woke a little bit late and got dressed as fast as I could. My heart was pounding and my mind racing as to today’s plan. I ran all the way to the bus to find that the lecturer is already waiting by the bus. Still puffing I quickly got on it. I knew that I was in for a new experience.

Persuasions of the Heart

“I’ve been living with a shadow overhead,

I’ve been sleeping with a cloud above my bed”

“I’ve been watching but the stars refuse to shine,

I’ve been searching but I just don’t see the signs”

Where is my sunshine?

These are the words that best describe what is going through my mind then. Fake smiles and meaningless laughter helps from other people noticing it. Every now and then hoping for the sun to muscle its way over the dark cloud to shine its sunny rays into my life. A bit of sunshine would be nice for a change.

… And know that Allah cometh in between the man and his own heart … (Al-Anfal, 8:24)

So, the journey has begun. Physically I have arrived, but the heart and mind needs some persuading into. I didn’t have to seek further. The moment I stepped into the camp, the burden and the weight seemed to just disappear into thin air. It seemed as if I had entered into a totally different world. I quickly settled in with all of the participants. Friends old and new alike. Some of them came from the far north of Hokkaido and some even came from the horizons of Korea!

…And whosoever keepeth his duty to Allah, Allah will appoint a way out for him, (2) And will provide for him from (a quarter) whence he hath no expectation. And whosoever putteth his trust in Allah, He will suffice him. Lo! Allah bringeth His command to pass. Allah hath set a measure for all things. ( At-Talaq : 2-3 )

Ice Breaking!

The first night was highlighted with us forming a circle for a little bit of ta’kruf . The unique part of it is that each and everyone of us had to form a question about themselves. And randomly select another person to answer it for us. You’d have to experience it first-hand to enjoy the spirit of the game. It was quite fun actually. Okey, I’ll share it with you all, what my question was.

Me: What was the first sport that I got involved in?

1. Gymnastic

2. Swimming

3. Total free flowing “Samba-style” football (a little bit exaggerated …hehe.)

Searching for that Something…

The train leaves in about an hour. It was nearing midnight. But I was not sleepy at all. I wondered if the journey that I’m going to take is worth the while.The heavy heart made me feel a bit reluctant to go, I guess. A journey to the east.

I am in a state of mess. My head is spinning with all the problems I faced. Furthermore, my savings is starting to dry up. I was at the bottom of the life cycle. I was contemplating how life has treated me. I had led an ‘easy’ life up until now. Then, without warning, all of a sudden everything came crushing down on me.

I needed a new hope to cling on to. A new motivation. A new ‘lease of life‘ to say the least. I was drowning and needed air.Enough just to breathe. I wasn’t asking for too much am I?

Old Memories, New Adventures…

No matter where we come from, what languages we speak or what color our skin is, we are all unique in special ways. We all share the same desire and hunger to succeed and most importantly to love and to be loved. Many have argued that love is only a feeling and cannot bring wealth nor success but deep inside, we all know that love is the greatest motivation that a person can have.

My world=).

When I was at the airport and on the verge of boarding the plane to come to Japan, I caught a glimpse of my mum’s face and I couldn’t help but notice that there was something shining in her eyes. I quickly realized that it was her tears. I didn’t realize it was happening but I could soon feel streams of tears on my own cheeks. I was actually crying too! Trying to avoid her gaze, I hastily waved back at her. It struck me then, as if I hadn’t realized it before, that I was all alone now, facing a whole new world. Stepping into the unknown, into a world that seemed so strange. I felt a sudden coldness as if an ice cube had been trickling down my back. I was actually feeling scared to leave the comfort and warmness of the ones I love the most. Even though there were a lot of people around me then, I felt so alone, rooted in the moment all by myself. I wandered where all the love and security had disappeared to so quickly? Is it all now left in my memory?